Why Your Team Sucks 2. Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Some people are fans of the Tampa Bay Bucs.

Watch the latest episodes of Bob's Burgers. It’s an odd summer. It’s almost impossible to see Detroit after seeing Dunkirk without noticing the very different ways the two films turn the similar trick of. After the race, though, Clements took credit for the contact and apologized, telling NASCAR: I want to say sorry to Matt Tifft. I definitely didn’t mean to spin him. Some people are fans of the Tampa Bay Bucs. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Tampa Bay Bucs. This 2017 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the.

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But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Tampa Bay Bucs. This 2. 01. 7 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group.

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Read all the previews so far here. Your team: Tampa Bay Bucs. Your 2. 01. 6 record: 9- 7. In those seven losses, the Bucs gave up nearly five touchdowns a game. Derek Carr hung 5. Raiders committed 2.

The Rams hung 3. 7 on them somehow. This is a rough estimate, but 9.

Tavon Austin’s total receiving yards last year came against the Bucs. But please keep telling me that this is an up- and- coming defense. This team still starts Chris Conte. During real games, no less! Your coach: Dirk Koetter. I don’t think I’m going to forget how.” Well actually, Dirk, in your NFL career your teams have had a winning percentage below .

So it’s not that you’ve forgotten how to call plays, but rather the fact that you never learned how to call them to begin with. By the way, the Bucs were this season’s designated Hard Knocks victim. Let’s see what kind of EXCLUSIVE ACCESS we’ve been given into Koetter and his coaching methods. Christ. Honestly, it’s like they just draw slogans out of a hat every year. Your quarterback: Congratulations, Jameis Winston! Your sexual battery case was finally dismissed after reaching an undisclosed settlement with your accuser!

Finally, you can put this whole ordeal behind you. What a hardship it must have been. Now Jameis is free to be a “leader” who “absorbs the playbook like a sponge” and “routinely commits turnovers that belong in silent comedies”: Every time I gotta read some horseshit about Jameis’s uncommon maturity and growth as a passer, it’s like people completely forget that, at least once a game, he will take the snap and proceed to re- enact every Nordberg scene from The Naked Gun. By the way, Jameis has been the showcase star of this season’s Hard Knocks.

Here he is killing a cockroach while it’s mating: Technically, that’s ALSO sexual assault. And here he is acting like Taylor Swift in the front row of an award show: I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say that Jameis Winston may not be the most genuine (or mature) fellow in the world. Fresh off beating the rap, he had the balls to lecture a group of schoolgirls about being silent, polite, and gentle. Fuck his phony ass with a pirate flag. Thankfully, the Bucs imported a MENTOR to help him become 5.

That’s right. It’s Harvard Man, in the flesh! I could be dead in the ground 5. I swear that Ryan Fitzpatrick could still be holding down an NFL roster spot for no reason whatsoever. This team now has not one, but TWO Harvard grads on the roster.

I swooooon at the potential for elevated sideline discourse. Just sipping some Gatorade and discussing the impact on South China Sea trade routes should a preemptive strike in North Korea take place . Yes, after trading up to draft Roberto Aguayo in the second round, the Bucs had to cut him and replace him with Nick Folk. That’s what you get for FSU- ifying half the roster. No one should ever let this team forget about the Aguayo draft bust. This was already one of the worst picks in draft history before they released the poor bastard. They should put a monument to the trade next to the stadium bathroom.

GM Jason Licht should have to walk around with a sandwich board that says I TOOK A KICKER IN THE SECOND ROUND LIKE A MORON all day long.“I’m owning up to it by releasing him. It was a bold move and it didn’t work out.

I don’t know what else to say.” “Bold” isn’t the word I’d use there, amigo. Elsewhere on the roster, De.

Sean Jackson is here! On paper, the arrival of Jackson and absolute stud TE OJ Howard (drafted to replace the drunk driver they originally had at that slot) make the Bucs one of the best young passing teams in football. But, as someone who has watched De. Sean Jackson over the years, I can assure you that every accidental fumble Winston makes is one that Jackson can make deliberately. Doug Martin was suspended for the first four games for Adderall, and will be suspended four more after he beats my ass for screaming MUSCLE HAMSTER at him from a nearby balcony. Mike Evans drops passes as swiftly as he drops visible Anthem protests.

One of the linemen dined and dashed on a five- figure club tab. What has always sucked: Miko Grimes claimed that she deliberately got her husband cut in Miami so he could come to Tampa. You played yourself, lady. Only an idiot would scheme to leave the glistening shores of South Beach to go to live in the middle of a Dog the Bounty Hunter fancon. She must have thought she could avoid the tax man there. I may be biased here because a jury of Tampa tattoo artists bankrupted this site’s former company, but for real, Fuck Tampa. Tampa is the Arizona of Florida.

Tampa is a seething mass of divorcees and wannabe pirates deliberately living in the cheesiest possible area. The Bucs stadium isn’t even the most popular building on its block (that honor goes to Mons Venus). There’s a reason that Jon Gruden has a completely unironic love of Hooters. That’s 1. 00 percent Tampa right there. I’m surprised they don’t blare Hoobastank from air raid signals all day long. I took my family to Tampa for Spring Break once. Seagulls tried to eat our dinner every night and some lady brought an entire hi- fi system to the pool so she could play Bon Jovi.

Tampa is the worst. It’s the only city in America aiming to REDUCE mass transit. Nazis are everywhere. Local sports teams had to give money just to get a Confederate statue taken down and it still hasn’t been taken down.

A local middle school tried to sell kids a $1. The Scientologists are the most normal people there. Fuck Tampa eternally. VIVA GAWKER, MOTHERFUCKER. What might not suck: They’re good enough on offense to score 4.

Did you know? HEAR IT FROM BUCS FANS! Matthew: Robert Aguayo. Robert Aguayo. Robert Aguayo. Anton: There is nothing worse than waiting for decades for your team to get a potentially elite QB and then have him be an alleged rapist.

Who tells groups of young girls they need to shut up and let the men lead. Alex: Fuck Josh Freeman. Joseph: In two season Jameis will be the Bucs all=time leader in passing yards, surpassing Vinny fucking Testaverde.

Jeb Lund: The problem with Why Your Team Sucks is that, every year, I strive to think of something uniquely bad about the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, some suck- property that grounds the team athletically and geographically in a characteristic awfulness that other people can point to and say, “I get why thisteam blows.”But I’m starting to think that’s misguided, like writing a negative review of a flat, sad Big Mac. It’s a mediocrity expected, universal and unenlightening, as dissatisfying as you want it to be, assuming you need to buy it at all.

Apart from the pirate ship, Raymond James Stadium is unlovely in the way most stadiums are unlovely. It’s not exiled to some featureless exurban hinterland, but it’s not in a downtown core accessible to walking or convenient public transportation. Before games, the neighborhood food carts and stalls are all pleasantly above average; afterward, the hassle of finding a way to get to something else to do is what you’d expect. Are the owners soulless profiteers using the NFL revenue stream to underwrite more exciting pursuits while relying on die- hard, underserved suckers? Does this distinguish them from most NFL owners? A Bucs fan gets grifted like everybody else. Dirk Koetter seems like every other NFL coach without a defining malignancy or singular gift—destined to answer the future announcer trivia question, “What coach last led the Bucs to the postseason?” with, “They lost in the Wild Card to Atlanta/Dallas/Green Bay/etc.” He’s Steve Mariucci with the chance to become Dennis Green.

A Ghost Story Movie Review & Film Summary (2. I rarely see a movie so original that I want to tell people to just see it without reading any reviews beforehand, including my own.

David Lowery’s “A Ghost Story” is one of those movies. So I’m urging you in the first paragraph of this review to just see it and save this review for later. If you want more information, read on. There are no spoiler warnings after this because as far as I’m concerned, everything I could say about this film would constitute a spoiler. This tale of a man who dies young and lingers around the property where he and his wife once lived is bound to be one of the most divisive films of the year. I didn’t know anything about it going in, except that its main character was a person who dies and spends the rest of the movie walking around mute, wearing a white sheet with eyeholes cut out of it. The film is a ghost story, in the sense that there’s a ghost in it, but it’s also many other things: a love story, a science fiction- inflected story about time travel and time loops, and a story about loneliness and denial, and the ephemeral nature of the flesh, and the anxiousness that comes from contemplating the end of consciousness (provided there’s no life after death—and what if there isn’t?).

Advertisement. The characters are so archetypal that they don’t have names, just initials. C (played by Casey Affleck) is a musician who lives with his wife M (Rooney Mara) in a small house surrounded by undeveloped property somewhere the vast flatness of Texas.

C dies in a car crash early in the story but continues to linger on as a ghost, silent observing his wife’s grief and her eventual exit from the home they once shared. He stays in the house as new tenants move in, including a single mother (Liz Franke) and her two children (Carlos Bermudez and Yasmina Guiterrez) and some presumably young, single people who throw parties with lots of bohemian artist- types. Time keeps moving forward, and at a certain point the house gets leveled and replaced by a gigantic luxury condo- hotel type of development. C stays rooted to the spot where he died, as if he’s still stuck in the “denial” phase of the grieving process.

The movie’s two most fascinating formal traits are its decision to keep C under the sheet for much of the film’s running time, and the way it moves its story along with hard cuts instead of dissolves, fades to black or other signifiers that a lot of time has passed. The sheet denies the film’s leading man most of the tools he’d normally use to communicate emotion; he must instead approach the character as if he were onstage in a play where gestures were more important than words, and try to convey surprise, sadness or anger simply by holding his head and shoulders in a particular way, or turning quickly instead of slowly to look at something.

But this opens up a different kind of relationship between character and viewer: we’re projecting ourselves onto C as we might as children playing with dolls or stuffed animals. Simple, powerful emotions can be summoned that way, and it’s those sorts of emotions that are this movie’s specialty. There were many stretches where I was reminded of European art cinema classics like “Stalker” and “The Passenger,” which derive much of their power from asking you to commit to staring at the images the film has put in front of you, and think about what they might mean and how you feel about them. There are other times when the film is reminiscent of “Groundhog Day,” in its ability to weave guilt, karma, and fear of change into a story that might otherwise have played as a light diversion. Advertisement. The hard cuts that move us through the story convey the idea that C perceives time differently than we do. In a scene that involves decay, which I won’t describe in too much detail here because it occurs in a context I didn’t expect to encounter, a body becomes a skeleton in a series of cuts that last about 3. The deeper we get into C’s story, the more Lowery teases our perceptions of time, until by the end he’s got us questioning the idea of singular, linear experience.

It’s a movie you can’t be quite sure how to take. Download Full Resident Evil The Final Chapter (2017). There are moments where the movie seems to be handing you keys to interpretation, but I’d caution viewers against looking at such scenes for answers, because they have a rope- a- dope quality—as if they're designed to bait and trap those who would sneer at this kind of movie. Download A Ghost Story (2017) Movie In Hd. In any event, this is a film that's more inclined to ask questions than answer them, much less give life advice. A long monologue by a party guest (Will Oldham) about humanity’s doomed attempts to leave traces that last, especially through art, would seem to suggest that a song C writes for M will outlast him, but we have no evidence of that.

The film’s presentation of ghosthood as a purgatorial in- between state, inhabited by individuals who refuse to let go of the life they can no longer have, jibes with many Western religions’ ideas about the afterlife, but I don’t think the resolution of C’s story gives us any hope of Heaven; to me it seemed more like a warning to be at peace with the possibility that we may never know the answers to the big questions. I should admit here that any take I can offer is provisional.

I need to see the film a second time to sweep away preconceived notions that might’ve been lingering in my mind during my first viewing of “A Ghost Story.” The movie is so simple in its storytelling and its situations are observed so patiently that the result has a disarming purity, as if Lowery jammed a tap into his subconscious and recorded one of his dreams directly to film. It’s probably the closest that a lot of people are going to get to seeing a late- period silent movie on a big screen—a melodrama that deals in big ideas and obvious symbols, and that puts across fantastical concepts, such a ghost haunting the landscape over a period of decades, by putting a sheet over its leading man and having him walk around slowly and stare blankly at stuff. It got mostly very positive notices during festival screenings, but on the eve of its commercial release I’ve found myself arguing with colleagues who think it’s the Emperor’s New Clothes and find it too precious, too sentimental, too much of a one- joke movie, or not enough of one thing or another thing. I loved everything about it, including the scenes I wasn’t sure how to take.

I recommend seeing it in a theater because it’s a movie that has as much to say about our perception of time and permanence as it does about love and death. Much of the impact that it has, positive or negative, comes from having to sit there and watch it without interruptions and think about what it’s showing you, and how.